Climbing the Ladder

I recently finished reading a book by Julian Fellowes called Past Imperfect. Fellowes writes about the British upper crust and in this book, the changes they’ve experienced since the Second World War. The book is full of people desperate to maintain their status of old, or wriggle their way into the good graces of the titled elite. While, to my knowledge, Canada does not contain these same classes – as Fellowes points out the British don’t really either, & if they are present, since we are still technically a part of the monarchy, the same manners, etiquettes, social standings and recognition does not come with any class distinction. While the stakes would seemingly be lower because of this, it must be part of human nature to keep up appearances, and want to be at the top – name drop, make more money (though many disguise this and say if the money wasn’t there they would still be in the same relationship or what have you), have better holidays, better houses, better possessions. Case in point: one of my colleagues is dating a guy who is in medical school. Maybe to be fair I should say they started dating before he started med school, and maybe even before he really decided he wanted to be a doctor, I’m not really sure. Either way the fact that he is going to be a doctor seems to grip her. She is constantly talking about visiting him over at the hospital, where his internship is going to be over summer break, the exams he has coming up, and how he did on those exams. There is frequent mention of how the money he’ll make makes up for the hard work and not seeing him much, but the impressed reaction from people when they hear he’s in medical school I feel is more important to her than anything else, and she wants people to remember that no matter what, hence the incessant chatter. Every girl wants to marry a doctor, it’s almost a modern version of wanting to marry a Prince (which of course is still my dream). This chatterbox colleague of mine is also constantly talking of her plans. She constantly attends workshops and seminars, determined to get ahead, but still ties future plans to what will happen with the boyfriend who would be doctor.
I’m not really sure what exactly she’s reaching for, what we’re all reaching for. I usually think the #1 reason I want to get my PhD is just so I can call myself a doctor. I’ve always wanted to go to Harvard, because it’s Harvard – there’s a recognition factor. As the Fellowes novel illustrates, the people that are at the top, the ones with lots of money, big houses, nice things, are often not happy. It takes a lot to get and/or keep those positions, and it’s not usually the things that one wants to sacrifice, such as their true passions and true love.
Really who is judging our rank on the social ladder, especially in this Western Canadian culture? Maybe in the New England area of the States there is a definite class structure, without the noble titles, but not here. There’s the occasional “big” name family, but they don’t appear in the media the same way the titled do in the UK, or the Park Avenue duplex dwellers do in Manhattan. There is no recognition factor. Why do we need/want to impress those around us? There is always talk of being happy with yourself, truly loving yourself. There are scores of TV programs on TV wanting you to be happy with yourself, almost ironically, even if it requires a little bit of change: ‘How to Look Good Naked’, ‘What Not to Wear’, ‘Re-Vamped’. A look at the self-help section of any bookstore underlines this – we all want to be good ‘selves’. I think this is true of everyone, but most people miss the part about actually knowing yourself so that you can like and love yourself to have confidence in yourself, and jump straight to having confidence in themselves, and do everything to convince those around them that you should have confidence in them and even look up to them because they’re so much better than you, and they try to let you know they are ‘better’.
It’s not a crime to try to better yourself, and status may be better than status quo, but in reality we probably shouldn’t strive or settle for either.